Newsletter #7: I went to Poland!
Hello! I’m back from Poland!
Ikr? I am also like what the fuck.
I’m gonna try to explain the why and the who and the what of my trip in as honest and as interesting of a way as possible, but I need to come clean, I’m really nervous.
This might have been one of the most important trips of my life and as much as I want to tell you all about it so badly, I’m really afraid of not doing it justice. I’m afraid that my writing skills just won’t convey the magic, the meaning, and the gravity of what it was like and I’ll fail to relate this story to you in the MOST interesting way.
I also have to navigate between the desire to tell you the earnest and deep details that are necessary to the plot while not wanting to divulge too much baggage at once. We just don’t have the time.
And all that’s coming to me right now as I write this, is to start with some variation of “So…………….THIS happened!!!” and fucking gag me.
But I have such a need to tell you about it, even if only one person reads this.
So I have to just start! Somewhere! As truthfully as I can! And hopefully that’ll be enough.
I went to Poland to get closer to my Dad.
Alan Metnick is going on 82 years old. He’s the freshest looking 82 year old I’ve ever seen but still no spring chicken. He’s a Chicago born “fuck around and find out” Jew that also looks like the Lorax. When he was a young adult he quit his family’s car dealership business where he dealt with the literal Chicago mafia to become an artist in Providence, Rhode Island where he dealt with the literal Providence, Rhode Island mafia. («Let me know if you want this story, I love this story)
While I was growing up, my dad was always taking these trips to Poland multiple times a year.
As I got older, the reason behind these trips slowly got revealed layer by layer but stayed distant to me.
First, “Dad goes to Poland. Okay cool.”
Then, “Dad goes to Poland because he visits the town where his/our family is from.”
Then, “Dad goes to Poland because he’s fixing up the Jewish cemetery in the town our family’s from that was destroyed during the Holocaust. Huh, gaining a bit more intrigue here.”
And then suddenly 18 years passed and we’re at now.
It was both of our faults for me understanding so little of what he was doing in Poland. For so many reasons, our relationship had been stilted at best, laborious at worst.
But through a lot of distance (me moving to NYC when I went to school) and a shit ton of therapy, I’ve been able to initiate new relationships with my parents in ways that validate my feelings while also giving them room to be new humans to me too. (Here’s an example of me skipping over a load of upsetting and intimate details that we just don’t have time to process via substack).
On the few occasions I spent with my Dad alone, he’d unravel his lore to me in hour long anecdotes that still somehow left miles of untold shenanigans. The conversation would often float to what he was up to in Poland, and how there were people and friends of his that someday, he would love for me to meet.
And so finally, upon my adult realization that my dad is in his 80’s, spry as he may be, I decided that I needed to go on one of his Poland trips before it was too late.
When I told him I wanted to go, I could tell he initially didn’t believe me. I had to keep asking when the next trip was until he finally sent me the itinerary along with the heart-rending text, “I’m just so glad you want to spend time with me.”
This is already too long for the newsletter goddammit.
Fast forward, it’s April, I’m going to Poland with my Dad. My mom is paying for Robert to come with us for the second half of the trip because she’s a nutty romantic and golly I do love that boy but for right now FORGET HIM.
It turns out that my Dad has GROSSLY undersold what he’s been up to in Poland for the last 18 years.
Our first day we meet up with my Dad’s Polish guide and best friend, Malgosia who while driving us to the hotel says to my father like it’s normal “What colors did you want for the wreath tomorrow?”
Me: “Wreath? What wreath?”
Malgosia: “Am I saying it right? The WREATH. The wreath for the commemoration tomorrow. The wreath your dad was asked to place on the memorial for the 80th anniversary of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising because of his work in Slawatycze. (« That’s the town we’re from.) Alan, you didn’t tell her?”
Me: “Dad???”
Alan: *Shrugs in a “whataya gonna do” sort of way*
And basically that was the tone for the whole trip.
My Dad would tell me the items on our itinerary, meetings and events, with about half of the details I needed to fully understand the gravity of what he was up to.
Some meetings were about a scholarship and residency my Dad wanted to start for artists in Slawatycze.
I learned that not only had he visited Polish high schools to connect with students and teach them about the Jews that used to live there, it had been HIS idea to go into the schools in the first place, a program that made the adults and the kids that participated in it, indebted to him for the experience.
He was offered exhibition space in a newly restored synagogue. We had lunch with the families that he worked with to restore the Jewish cemetery. We were given private tours by people that had been inspired by my Dad.
There was another commemoration event my Dad got an invitation to by the PRESIDENT OF POLAND
and my father said to me, “If it’s raining, I’m not going.”
We went to 10 towns in about 4 days.
We met so many people, all with the same thing in common: adoration and gratitude for my father.
I sat in the office of Forum for Dialogue among this group of young Jewish and non Jewish women doing amazing work for Jewish memory in Poland, and I cried slowly and silently as they described what my father has offered to them in his time and his ideas and his passion.
As per my aforementioned baggage, I didn’t let my father see.
I cry now writing about it.
People misunderstand how recent the Holocaust was. I know I do. The 80th anniversary of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising means that Jews killed themselves to fight the nazis within my father’s lifetime.
I know I, like most people, take the “try not to think about it” approach to atrocity.
But here my father has been, for at least 18 years, immersing himself in it. Taking photographs, fundraising, writing to organizations, talking to kids, all on the behalf of the big “Us.”
There’s beautiful minutiae in the trip that I’d love to go into.
Like the homemade wine, vodka, and pierogis, we ate in Slawatycze in the B&B run by Jola,
meeting a fellow artist and friend named Jerzy who, like my father, had lost a child, and being told by Malgosia after dinner that that was the best shape they’d seen him in emotionally in over a year,
the insane food and drink spread, including rose flavored liqueur, at the Royal Castle in Warsaw, an event I was at inexplicably, that my father and I showed up to LATE due to a mistake in translation,
seeing countless storks in their nests as we drove along the Polish country side,
arguing with my father over whether or not “we had time” to walk his favorite street in Warsaw (of course we had fucking time!!),
walking around the old towns of Lublin and Zamosc with my love, Robert, under twinkling lights, shoes tapping on cobblestones, sharing mulled beer,
seeing my father in action, communicating his ideas for fostering Jewish memory in Poland and connecting people to the nearly forgotten town of Slawatycze,
realizing how much we have in common.
But this is a newsletter, not a memoir.
I haven’t even decided if I’ll send this to him.
There were moments I tried to convey how special and impactful this trip was to me but I was mostly puffing my chest, lowering my voice, and inhaling air, just to muster a “This is really cool.” So I didn’t cry like, ya know, a little bitch.
So I’m here, anxiously trying to convey it to you. Did I do it okay? Have I lost all of you?
I love you, and I don’t care if you couldn’t read all of this.
I just really wanted someone to know.
Harsh Tone Shift
May is the month I’m saying YES to shows!!
Last month I denied myself a really cool opportunity because I was too scared of failing, so this month I’m challenging myself to say YES to whatever opportunities come my way!1
I have a couple things starting to line themselves up for May so keep on reaching out to me for things!
For a fairly full list of what I do, peep my website!
Skip Intro
My improv team now has a monthly slot at The PIT Annex! We’ll be featuring an array of comedians and improv teams at 8:30pm on the last Saturday of the month!
In the Circle
Our Anime Show Podcast - Fellow anime nerds and best friends Alli Green and Gio Patrick discuss all things anime. You can even find their episode with ME on it, from when I first entered my anime renaissance this year. @ouranimeshow
Sam Theuring’s Open Mic - My very funny and kind friend Sam (@sportyspice4ever) is the creator and host of a super supportive open mic for everyone! Comedy, music, poetry, storytelling, show n tell, everything welcome. Tuesdays, sign up is at 7pm at Roots Cafe.
Postcards I Never Sent - A performance piece featuring 2 movers, 2 musicians, and 1 photographer working together to bring their lyrics to life. It will explore themes of regret, shame, and rage, as well as the arduous mental health journey that can come with it, through music & movement. May 4th + 5th at 8pm both in person at The Gibney Performing Arts Center and online.
Friday Feel Good Jam - A staple improv jam at The PIT for everyone! Hosted by John T. Haller as well as other Pitizens every week. Fridays 5:30pm at The PIT, $5 cash, first come first served.
Minority Report Jam - Come out and meet other people of color in our improv community here at the PIT! Work on your skills, meet new friends, and practice being on stage. Sydney Duncan provides a chill, welcoming, and fun night of improv for the people! $5 cash, first come first served. Monthly (next up May 11th) 10pm at the PIT Loft.
Tonight Only Good Times - A comedy variety extravaganza! Produced by Pretty Funny Comedy (@pretty_funny_comedy) and The Gunn Show (@thegunnshow_). May 12th 6:30pm at The PIT Loft.
The Armory House Improv Teams - Great improv featuring so many talented people! Every Friday 8pm The Tank. @thearmorycomedy
Pretty Hung Over - Pretty Funny Comedy presents a lovely comedy show for your hangover! May 23rd 9pm at Easy Lover. @pretty_funny_comedy
Short Stack Podcast - Each Monday, your very talented hosts Liv Vordenberg and Jackie Meissner share short stories with complete soundscapes that transport you into a new fictional universe every week. On Spotify and Apple Podcasts. @shortstackstoriespod
What I’m Loving
Grits. I fucking love grits! Gritd girts gurts go get em!
As long as I’m available :)