Newsletter #13: Singing, Laughing, NEW YEAR
Professional and creative things are good!
Hi! I missed you so much!
This has truly been one of the craziest months I’ve had in a really long time. I had some incredible professional and creative highs and oh my god some LOWS you guys, some fuck damn LOWSSSS.
I got laid off from my day job at the mortgage company which, on top of a lot of other emotional health strains, just destroyed me.
So I took this month to refocus and move towards getting more support.
It also just so happened that this month I had two very important artistic projects that had been in the works for a long time. And if I had had my job while trying to work on those things, I would have been probably pretty miserable.
So, silver linings or whatever I suppose.
While I look for another flexible WFH job that won’t make me want to KMS, I am getting back into creating a new class on how to create your own solo show and facilitating a monthly magic circle. So please let me know if you want to be in the loop about those things!
I was in a 29hr reading of a new play with music!
This is going to be about me being anxious and then something going well for me professionally, so if that’s not your bag or will make you feel negatively, I encourage you to skip!
I had been involved in table reads for this really exciting new play for the past few years, and this month I was asked back to do a staged reading!
Do you know who Debbie Friedman is? I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t either. She was a singer/songwriter who basically revolutionized so much of the reform Jewish music we know. I had been singing her music at synagogue and had absolutely no idea.
Debbie was also queer, outed only in her obituary (makes my blood boil), and suffered from mental and physical illness that ultimately led to her passing.
Icon.
I played her sister, Cheryl, who is still alive and has worked closely with the playwright, Deborah Yarchun (who’s dope as fuck by the way). Cheryl also happens to be a queer, mentally ill Jew who deals with self harm in the play. So yeah I connected to the role hard.
I had been asked to read by the director, my good friend Hersh Ellis (google him, he’s doing really cool stuff and I’m so proud of him). Hersh and I went to college together and share various traumas from going through theatre school but I was still honored and shocked to be asked to be a part of the 29hr reading. Especially once I found out who else was involved.
A 29hr reading is a reading (actors use scripts on stage) where equity actors can be involved without a contract and the amount of hours worked does not exceed 29. The final performance is usually small for invited friends and industry professionals.
Now I’d like to preface this by saying that when Hersh asked me to do this reading ALL he said was “keep __ dates open.” Nothing about who was going to be in the play, or who we’d be performing for. And up until then during all of our table reads all of the music had been played on an iphone and I just sorta assumed that the only people singing would be the actors playing Debbie Friedman (as a child, adult, and an older adult before her death).
Well the egg was on my face, let me tell you. On day 1, I learn that not only will the whole cast be singing support for a lot of the songs (totally fine, I sing all the time, and I can always listen for my harmonies from the person next to me), but also that I’ll be singing a short duet with the Debbie Friedman’s character. I’ll explain why this is complicated for me in a minute.
Then at lunch, Hersh says as a fun little side bar to me, “You’re the only one here who hasn’t headed a Broadway show haha.”
…
HAHAHA HERSH
(He meant it like “isn’t that so exciting and you should be proud!!” not like “you dumb unsuccessful bitch” just fyi.)
Now, this is complicated because as most of you know, I do sing. I sing in public and accompany myself on the ukulele, I write my own songs. But I actually haven’t sung 1. in harmony where I didn’t have group sound to hide behind or 2. in the context of a play with many other professionals singers in…10 years.
I developed this really fucked up complex in college about my singing because I was meeting all of these “actual” musical theatre majors and idiot boys who played guitar. And I could just feel this sort of patronizing tone and response from those people when I opened my mouth to sing in my sort of weird, folky, non-broadway-style voice.
It’s only been the last two years, with a lot of prodding from friends and family who love hearing me sing, that I started forcing myself to perform publicly again.
But here I was asked to sing next to the current Funny Girl on Broadway and a former Elphaba. Even the CHILD ACTORS had Broadway credits.
But the last thing I wanted was for Hersh to doubt having asked me to do this. So the entire week, while I was shitting myself, I devoted myself to faking it.
I ignored my anxiety to the max. Didn’t even bother reassuring myself lol I was basically just like “Doesn’t matter. You’re gonna do it.”
And then I did it.
I sang this beautiful song, in a play I care about so much, in front of more industry professionals in a room than I’d met on my own in years.
And then I met Cheryl.
Dude, fucking talk about pressure. I was stressed about the singing and then also beside myself with trying to portray a person who was literally sitting right in front of me.
But she loved it. And we loved each other. She said everything that I did or said felt like it was her.
It felt like meeting a family member who also happened to be you but someone that you also barely fucking know. It was the trippiest shit. I attempted to feel so much of what she had felt without any way of actually knowing what it was really like to be her. All I knew was what it was like to be me and the ways I could connect to what I’ve been through, to relate to this creative version of this very real person. And apparently it was enough. We bonded over everything from comedy and swearing like sailors to our poor senses of self that don’t align with how the rest of the world sees us.
We cried, we shared. I’m completely changed. And I’m so fucking honored.
I can’t stop thinking about how I would have discounted myself from this experience. “No, I couldn’t possibly keep up with Broadway stars, no I can’t possibly sing in front of all those important people…”
But my friend, Hersh, believed in me. Deborah, the playwright believed in me.
Hersh wanted me there just as much as he wanted those other actors. And I was able to thrive. I was able to SING. I hope I can pay him back somehow.
Despite what you think of yourself, look to your friends’ perceptions of you. Make decisions about what you’re capable of based on them. Then, slowly, maybe we can start agreeing with our friends about ourselves.
The Man Up Holiday Special
It went absolutely amazingly, I could not have asked for anything more. I think I’m actually gonna just send out another newsletter when we post the video so I can talk about it in more detail, since I had to talk for so long about the reading, because y’all, we DESTROYED 🎉
Oh and I completely failed NaNoWriMo last month lol #transparency
Stuff to Check Out
Shows
Dick Clark (Andy Spector’s) New Years’s Rockin Eve Eve Improv Spectacular - Andy Spector’s last improv show ever before he becomes an influencer. I’ll be performing too with really funny folks! December 30th, 8:30pm at BCC.
New Year, New Dromedary Fundraiser & Variety Show - One of my favorite bar/restaurants and community hubs in the city is becoming co owned by it’s employees and they’re having a fundraiser. I’m sure it’ll be a queer and raunchy good ol’ time. December 30th, 8pm at Dromedary.
Love is Live - Mayhem and Camp all dressed up for a real live dating show! Hosted by Olivia Benedict, Mackenzie Jaquish, and Erin Gonyeau. Every 1st Saturday of the Month.
New Kids on the Blockchain - Viv Ford is one of the coolest people I’ve ever met in my life and she also happens to be a crypto bro. She wrote such a cool solo show about her experience living at the real freaking Crypto Castle and you gotta go see it. January 9th, 7pm at Caveat.
Music
Emma Young - Such chill and interesting vibes! Feels like pulsating New York City nights. Listen on Spotify & Apple Music.
Robert Price - Yeah, I’m biased but Robert makes really amazing music. His album Did You Eat My Songs Yet is so fun and meaningful and catchy. He also may or may not have written an album for me when we started dating lol called Excited. One of my favorite songs on that album is “The Right Way.” He has individual songs and full albums on Youtube, Soundcloud, & Bandcamp.
Kuko - Dope fucking shit, great beats and lyrics. Has a new colab called Ladder Gang that’s really cool too! Listen everywhere you get your music.
Livestreams
Cosmos Creative TV - You may have seen me on facebook getting interviewed by my wonderfully kind and talented friend Reneé Yaworsky where we’ve talked about all things queer and ladies in comedy. But aside from that, Reneé hosts a myriad of shows through Cosmos Creative TV that range from the humorous and joyful, to the thought-provoking and inspiring, to the moving & eye-opening. It’s always great conversations among creatives and they stream multiple times throughout the week. Check out their Youtube page.
AGreenQueen on Twitch - Fellow anime nerd Alli Green has started her own gaming livestream! She’s currently playing Genshin Impact which she has told me is gay and magical! Check out her Twitch page for her schedule.
Videos (all of these made me laugh out loud)
Sketch comedy by Ethaniel Burk!
This sketch by Nick Bentgen and featuring Sydney Duncan!
This sketch by my favorite Andy’s!
This sketch by Pretty Funny Comedy!
Classes
Improv Drop In - Multiple times throughout the week for people of all levels and taught by all stars including but NOT limited to; Dana Shulman, Sydney Duncan, Kim Alu, and Jenny Bareilles! Get your reps in!
Level 1 Improv at The PIT - Taught by my Level 1 teacher and very good friend Dana Shulman! I took Dana’s class MANY years ago and I Highly recommend her for people new and nervous to improv!
The LaughtHER Collective - A modern comedy school amplifying underrepresented voices led by amazing professional stand ups, Christi Chiello and Hope D. They have so many classes to choose from, along with a newsletter and helpful resources on their Instagram.
Podcasts
Our Anime Show Podcast - Fellow anime nerds and best friends Alli Green and Gio Patrick discuss all things anime. You can even find their episode with ME on it, from when I first entered my anime renaissance this year. Available wherever you get your podcasts.
The Hot Wives Club - Mackenzie Jaquish hosts a comedy podcast about all of the movies featuring funny but mid looking men with their hot as fuck wives. I guested on it and talked about I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry starring my idol, Adam Sandler. Available wherever you get your podcasts.
Open Mics
Sam and Friends - A warm and welcoming open mic where our priority is community and belonging. Poetry, music, storytelling, & more! Hosted by the wonderful Sam Theuring. Tuesdays, sign up is at 7pm at Roots Cafe.
Speakeasy Shakespeare - One of the most beautiful and nerdy experiences I’ve ever had, The Night Shift Theatre Co presents open mic style Shakespeare! Come watch or perform! 3rd Monday of every month, sign up at 7:30pm at Jake’s Dilemma.
Films
Midway (The New York No Limits Film Festival) - A comedic short about a jaded bartender with an open heart. Winner of “Best Ensemble” at the Big Fridge International Film Festival, directed, written, and starring Olivia Benedict.
Newsletters
- One of my best friends and the creator of my news satire show Man Up, Hunter Lang has a very important newsletter about everything Topher Grace. Highly recommend, the writing is *chef’s kiss*. - Robert Price shares poems by influential authors that keep your heart warm and make you think.What I’m Loving
@heyfrankiesimmons on Tiktok makes videos that are so helpful, nervous system regulating, and insightful.
Tiktok failed to load.Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
My Anime Playlist!!!
I made an anime playlist of just some of my favorite intros and outro songs and good golly gosh I think you should listen to it!
Every newsletter I highlight one of the songs on the playlist and tell you why I love it so much. You need not know any of the anime to enjoy this music I promise you, the songs are THAT GOOD.
SOUVENIR by BUMP OF CHICKEN
I could die to this song and I would be fine with that. No other song makes me feel more alive. I know that’s a contradiction.
Let me know what’s exciting you right now! Talk again soon! 💕
Thanks for shouting out my music!!! You make me smile