Newsletter #10: Boundaries, Shakespeare, & Erotica!
Featuring writer & funny human Anna Dashem!
Hello you grossly attractive human beings who subscribe.
^ I’m Alicia Silverstone, and you’re the gay guy.
But in actuality, we are all just a gay guy.
As always, I deeply thank you for being here. I am constantly bursting at the seams wanting to tell people about the things that I like and this newsletter is my way to do that.
I’m trying out something new this month where I invite a friend to write a guest post!
I think I might do this every other month or so, so please reach out if you’re interested in sharing something. For right now, I’m feeling very broad about the type of writing I want to feature, so if you also have a blog or newsletter, I’d love to colab!
I want your ruminations, your introspections, your thoughts on artistic process, and your experience of the comedy scene in New York! Have you traveled anywhere, have you sat in front of your TV for hours, are you starting a new project, do you feel dead inside???
I want it all.
This month I asked my very funny friend Anna Dashem to tell us about her experience directing a sketch comedy show for the first time. Her show A Cheeky Sketch Show sold out The PIT Loft and was a bundle of laughs and good times that I’m so happy I got to witness. Here, she gives us a funny and vulnerable look into what that process was like.
You can find out when her next shows are and read HER blog, A Messy Blog About Living, on instagram @anna_dashem.
Anna Dashem on Directing, Friendships, and Boundaries
I know it's been a few weeks since August 13th, but I’m still riding that high. Aren’t you? I mean, damn, what a night! A night that will forever leave its mark on the zeitgeist of our nation as a WHOLE.
I’m obviously talking about my directorial debut for A Cheeky Sketch Show – an event that will one day be memorialized as a national holiday I’m sure.
Cheeky is a sketch show I created back in April. I wanted to create a show that almost felt like reading someone’s diary. Life has a sick, twisted sense of humor all on its own without our intervention. I wanted this show to be grounded in the cringey and hilarious shit that we witness every day just by surviving in this bizarre world. So I gathered a group of very talented friends, and under the direction of the fabulous Andrea Romano, we debuted our first show in April at the PIT.
Yooo I’ve never snorted coke, but I imagine the high I felt after that first show had to be in the ballpark of what being coked up is like. Adrenaline and excitement pumping through my body. Feeling invincible. It was a fantastic show! All of the stress and hard work and worry of the weeks leading up to it IMMEDIATELY turned into pure bliss once the show began.
This must be what mothers feel like after labor! Once they have the baby in their arms, they forget about the tortuous pain of delivering it. A coked up labor. Yeah...that pretty much sums up what producing a sketch show feels like.
I was so freaking excited to do our next show in August. Unfortunately, Andrea wasn’t available to direct at the time. Cheeky was my baby, my boobala. I had such a strong vision for her. She’s shameless! She’s authentic! So if Andrea couldn’t direct, the only other person I felt comfortable at the reins was myself.
(No, I’m not “controlling,” I’m STRONG and INDEPENDENT thank you very much.) So I gathered my cool-ass talented friends, and we started working on the next show, with me at the lead. ME. Anna Dashem.
(Sorry, ahem, that’s Madame Director Anna Dashem now.)
Initially, I didn’t understand the very real shift in dynamic that occurs when one transitions from performing with their friends to directing their friends. Big difference.
Once we started the rehearsal process, given that I had never directed before, I told many of my super talented friends in the cast (a lot of whom had their own experience directing) that I was very open to feedback and the writer’s visions for their sketches. At first, rehearsals felt very collaborative. I felt safe. I didn’t feel like the pressure of the entire show was riding on my shoulders. Everybody pitched in their ideas. The writers of the sketches had a big say in what they wanted the scene to look like.
I was on my own with picking the sketches, casting them, and creating the running order – so I was more than happy to share the responsibility of bringing the sketches to life.
The director’s job is to guide a cast full of different personalities and viewpoints and egos into a singular vision. That can only be done if there is a clear boundary between the director and the cast. There has to be a level of authority there. A respect that the director has the final say. I didn’t realize the importance of that when I started rehearsals. I was hanging out with my friends! I wanted it to feel like the last show when we were all joking and laughing and getting away with what we could before Andrea put her foot down. But now it was my foot. Their friend’s foot. And it rubbed people the wrong way.
As we got closer and closer to the performance, I had to start making decisions to shape the show into a unified experience. Suddenly I went from being everybody’s collaboration-loving, Kumbaya-singing buddy to an authority figure saying no to their ideas and correcting their performances. I switched on them. Rightfully so, the change felt icky. What happened to collaborating? What happened to hearing out everybody’s opinions? I felt that tension. It felt like it went from being an “us,” to a “me” and a “them.” It wasn’t my favorite feeling.
The tension really came to a head at the tech rehearsal before the show. Take unclear boundaries and toss in pre-show jitters, it’s bound to get TIGHT.
And then the show started. AND WE FUCKING NAILED IT!!
We laughed, we hugged, we celebrated, we fucking THRIVED. The audience loved us! We were all buddies again. A strong, unified “us.” Cocaine and labor babydoll!
This got me thinking about boundaries. The issue wasn’t that I was assertive with my vision and directed my friends – this was a fabulous cast who had plenty of experience taking direction. It was that I didn’t set that expectation clearly going into it. It’s painful to give people a bunch of leeway and then pull back on it. It’s much easier to set tight expectations from the get-go and then offer leeway as needed. In fact, one comes off as rather generous in that scenario!
But damn am I lucky that I was able to learn this while doing something I loved, on a project I was passionate about, with some of the best people I’ve ever known. People who I trust enough that they can give me pushback and roll their eyes at me one minute and then give me a giant hug the next, and I know that both are true. That our friendship allows space for all of it. Now that’s freaking lucky.
So if you’re someone like me who is STRONG and INDEPENDENT and takes on a lot, just make sure you’re prepared to welcome the lessons that come your way with grace and acceptance. Be gentle with yourself. Because I know I felt like a real horse’s ass at first for not collecting the trophy for WORLD’S MOST PERFECT BESTEST AWESOME DIRECTOR my first time taking a whack at it.
But that’s silly. Throwing ourselves into big ambitions and passions will naturally lead us to big lessons. Always.
And hey, if you want to take a nice break from throwing yourself into ambitions and passions and pressures that are LifeTM, throw your ass in a seat and join us for the next Cheeky show on December 9th, 2023 at 7:30PM at the PIT! (THAT’S RIGHT! IT WAS AN AD THE WHOLE TIME!! Drink your Ovaltine bitches.)
What’s Going On?
Speakeasy Shakes
This has quickly become one of my favorite things to do every month in NYC.
I don’t talk about it much, but I actually like, love Shakespeare lol
My experiences every summer at Trinity Rep’s YASI Shakes were some of the most formative experiences for me as a person. But since being in NY, I haven’t had ANY opportunity to touch base with my Shakespeare roots.
The Night Shift Theatre Co holds a glorious karaoke-style/ open mic of casual community Shakespeare that anyone can participate in! And boy howdy, do people participate.
I was introduced to the event by my good friends Austin Riley and Nell Kessler (Nell writes for Man Up too hehe) who are staples of the community and often the hosts. Together they performed a scene that reminded me so much of my summer camp days exploring how wickedly funny and beautiful this language can be to play with.
Somehow this event feels like church and when you read old text off your phone in front of a bunch of enthusiastic nerds, you are new baptized.
Every third Monday of the month, the next one is September 18th at 8pm, sign ups at 7:30 at Jake’s Dilemma.
I Took an Erotic Writing Workshop!
As you’ve heard here before, I’ve really gotten into writing smut 🥰
This weekend I took my first ever workshop on erotic writing and it was a beautiful and inspiring experience! Taught by witches and witch adjacent individuals in a queer as shit community space, I learned theory and practiced exercises that really got the ideas flowing…
If you’re interested, follow @alicesparklykat and @lux_pyre for the next time they’ll be teaching and for everything else they offer.
The story I’m currently working on is a spicy fan fiction based on this magically absurd but incredibly problematic anime that I love lol And I recently created a new instagram account for specifically my erotic writing and my fandoms. So please if that at all interests you, follow me @magswrites ( DO NOT FOLLOW IF YOU ARE RELATED TO ME 👍)
I reeeeeeeally want to share it but don’t want anyone to have to be exposed to that kind of writing unless they’re okay with it, so I would love to hear any ideas about the best way to share it!
Stuff to Check Out
Classes
Level 1 Improv at The PIT - Taught by my Level 1 teacher and very good friend Dana Shulman! I took Dana’s class 7 years ago, omg. Highly recommend Dana for people new and nervous to improv!
Improv Drop-In at The PIT - Multiple times throughout the week for people of all levels and taught by all stars including but NOT limited to; Dana Shulman, Sydney Duncan, Kim Alu, and Jenny Bareilles! Get your reps in!
Podcasts
Our Anime Show Podcast - Fellow anime nerds and best friends Alli Green and Gio Patrick discuss all things anime. You can even find their episode with ME on it, from when I first entered my anime renaissance this year. Available wherever you get your podcasts.
Short Stack Podcast - Each Monday, your very talented hosts Liv Vordenberg and Jackie Meissner share short stories with complete soundscapes that transport you into a new fictional universe every week. Available wherever you get your podcasts.
Open Mics
Sam and Friends - A warm and welcoming open mic where our priority is community and belonging. Poetry, music, storytelling, & more! Hosted by the wonderful Sam Theuring. Tuesdays, sign up is at 7pm at Roots Cafe.
Speakeasy Shakespeare - One of the most beautiful and nerdy experiences I’ve ever had, The Night Shift Theatre Co presents open mic style Shakespeare! Come watch or perform! 3rd Monday of every month. Sign up at 7:30pm at Jake’s Dilemma.
Shows
Love Is Live - Mayhem and Camp all dressed up for a real live dating show and it is returning for Season 2! Hosted by Olivia Benedict, Mackenzie Jaquish, and Erin Gonyeau. September 2nd at 7pm at The PIT Loft.
Mom, I’m Gay - Celebrate the end of summer with a group of your favorite [REDACTED]! Join an all queer lineup for a night of stand up and improv as we celebrate all things gay! September 3rd, 8:30pm at BCC.
Daddy, Meet Issues - I love the name of this one so much. It’s the ultimate showdown! Father vs. Daughter battle it out for victory in this comedy roast battle! Featuring stand up from: Mackenzie jaquish and Sarah Franco. September 16th, 7pm at Easy Lover.
Candle & Lantern: Late Night Improv - One of my personal favorite duos of all time, Carly Lant and Emma Campbell present a night of fun, laughter and improv. The duo, alongside NYC’s most loved improv teams, are here to make your Monday into the best night of your week. September 25th, 8pm at The PIT Loft.
Resources
The Liberty Fund - One of my best friends, Josie Baldwin-Beneich, is a public defense attorney and when I asked her what resources she wished people knew more about, she directed me to The Liberty Fund. The Liberty Fund reduces the number of New Yorkers subjected to unnecessary pretrial detention by helping their families post bail for their loved ones. Share with your networks and donate if you are able!
What I’m Loving
Brand ‘92 Candles
Bro, these are some of the best candles you will ever smell. Made by my beautiful friend Stef in small batches and local to Brooklyn, get your autumn on with scents like Pure Pumpkin and Graham & Burning Embers (are you freaking kidding me) but also explore all the amazing scents she has to offer. AND if you read my newsletter you can get a 10% discount when you use code: MAGGIE10 !! Do it, you stupid bitch.
The fact that autumn is around the corner…
I want to wear red wine on my body and my lips and I want to sit atop dead grass on a flannel blanket and drink mulled cider and talk shit with my witch friends.
